Fuck You FIFA13

WARNING: Rant Alert!

This week I started playing FIFA. I love my football games but with FIFA it is very mucha love-hate affair.

First Play

I’ll be blunt, I nearly turned my console off before even getting in the game. Having to go through endless setup menus, registrations and alike just isn’t right for a console game, especially a sports game. These should be pick up and play.

User Unfriendly

Once I got in I found that they’ve completely redone the UI. It is big, bold and undeniably gharish. It is as if they’ve designed it then went BIGGER! NEEDS TO BE BIGGER!!!!!! Over compensating for something? Just horrible. What makes matters worse is that with the redesign the modes seem to have changed since my last FIFA title (again). I know football games criticism for not changing enough but do we need to change the names of the main modes and structure of the menu every year? No. Consistency is possibly the most important taspect in developing a nice usable UI. Within Seasons/Career/Manager mode… whatever it is called now… I found that it was just horrible with bits of needless information all over the place (some other club is bidding for some player! OMG!) yet the important stuff is kept to the side. Fucking awful.

Shite Gameplay

Passing is poor. I see two players making a run. One is clearly marked and one is free. I want to pass to the right so hold the stick to the right while passing. It goes towards the other guy and gets cut out. Annoying. Tackling is pretty shoddy as well. Given that even shit opposition players are snaking their way with silky skills I daren’t touch the tackle button for fear of the inevitable penalty. Final gripe with the core gameplay… I got fouled in the box when through on goal. Ref gave a play on.

The other issue with actual matches isn’t the gameplay itself but the way that the game is trying to be a poor version of Sky Sports with its awful commentary. What especially bugs me is that it tries to be clever talking about events going on in your long term game but “The transfer saga with that player rages on”  is of absolutely no interest when you’re during a transfer window. Both clubs will have ongoing deals. There’s loads of instances where the commentators talk about players but not by name, making the whole thing utterly pointless. This includes the useless injury updates that you get. Mid game hearing “that player” should be able to run off a knock that you didn’t see doesn’t mean anything to me. I’ve even been forced to take players off then 2 minutes later “I don’t think he’ll run it off”. Its obvious that what they want is to emulate watching TV, but if I wanted to watch footy I’d do that. I want to play a computer game. This is a point that I’d like to stress where for 5-10 seconds you watch someone standing there. Why? So I can see how Van Persie looks nothing like the real Van Persie? Its an unwanted distruption to the game.

Bad Behaviour

The game has a “neat” feature where it monitors what you’re doing so swearing at the screen gets you warnings and sacked. Having been warned twice I decided to keep my mouth shut in the next game… and did. I still got another warning. Next game I heard the commentators saying that the manager (me) was furious on the touchline and later I got my final warning… but this time I knew for certain it wasn’t me. The next game I watched it more carefully. The game’s little mic sign was reacting to the game’s audio. The commentators then said the manager was over reacting. I then got sacked. Yes, the game sacked me by picking up its own audio. Well having held my tongue whilst playing, I’m not showing restraint any more.

Fuck you FIFA. Fuck you.

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